surprises and sweetness

dear bumble boo,

tonight in your bath you asked me to put some shampoo on your hand. nothing unusual about that, we do it all the time. shampoo on your hand and then you help wash yourself. except tonight instead of washing yourself you popped the glob of shampoo right into you mouth. of course, i went right after it with my finger to get as much out as possible before you swallowed, and you screamed, as much from the terror of my quick reflex as the unexpected bad taste of the shampoo. i was (and still am) so surprised, because you very rarely do things like that, and i now have to reassess some of the assumptions i've made about what type of supervision you need both in the bath and out.

you, my dear, are very funny. the other day you were talking to our cat. and then in a short, brief monologue, as if you were a talk show host introducing a guest to your studio audience you rattled off theatrically, "he likes milk, he likes salmon, he likes yogurt..."

you are so enamored of the cats, especially the little one who will sit with you at breakfast and dinner (because he knows you will feed him treats), and who lets you rest your head on him while he sleeps. you used to offer them your books to read, but now you prefer to share your meals, and show them the consideration that others show to you, such as breaking a bagel into little bites before you offer them. "here, kitty, little pieces!"

your guitar playing is really coming along, as are your rock star moves. you seem to be rehearsing for a future on stage, possibly fronting a band. from what i can tell, you will be very good at it and extremely entertaining. keep working on that strumming--i've seen a lot of improvement lately with your ability to sustain your strumming while singing a song (such as five little monkeys).

there is so much sweetness in you right now. i don't know if it's your age or just who you are. tonight when i buckled you into your car seat after our trip to Lucky and Longs, you grabbed me around the neck and pulled me in for the most delightful kisses and giggles. delicate, butterfly kisses, buoyantly delivered.

a quick catchup

dear sweet thing,

about 3 weeks ago you played your first song on guitar. strumming and singing teddy bear teddy bear.

about 10 days ago, you tattled for the first time. i asked who bit you. you said jack. then you said your teacher's name, and "i'm sorry." at school the next day, your teachers confirmed that the biter was indeed jack.

on saturday, you me and daddy were laying on the bed in our chicago hotel room. you started singing the alphabet. you sang us the whole thing (except xyz, because you love w so much you like to just say that one again and again). we were surprised. knew you knew a lot of it, but not the whole song!

today--you are repeating everything. sentences.

yesterday at the aquarium you pointed out a helicopter to ellie and told her helicopter. she couldn't believe you knew that word.

mostly, though. you are the sweetest boy. i love your kisses. your little pucker and kiss is the best.

dear charlie brown,

you are growing up to be a little boy with a mind of your own. this is no surprise. you have many opinions, and want to do things yourself, or at least dictate how they should be done. here are some of the latest things about you...

• you love swings. whenever we leave the house, you immediately head in the direction of the park. you like to try every swing available, switching back and forth between them at least once, and often more.
  
• you can climb up the play structure at the park and go down the slide by yourself with just a little supervision.
  
• books, books, books. you are crazy in love with them.
  
• this past week you have started to hug me alot. you just come up and press against me and hug my knees. you have also started kissing my cheek, not just blowing kisses anymore.
  
• it's pretty much impossible for you to eat without getting so dirty that we have to change your clothes. even with a bib, and even with a towel on your lap.
  
• a month ago you were obsessed with elmo. you have gotten over elmo and are now obsessed with ernie. and sometimes with cookie monster.
  
• you love apple juice and cookies (we only give you fruit juice sweetened fig bars, and even those are reserved as treats)
• last week at school you told your teachers, "i want to go outside". they were a bit shocked to hear you make such a clear and complete declaration.
  
• you want very much to be able to put on your own shoes and socks. you try often, but it's just too soon.
  
• the cats now participate in our bedtime ritual. you like having them in the room during storytime, and then when it's time to sleep you like them to leave.
  
• when the cats meow outside your door in the morning, you imitate them. i hear you through the baby monitor--you are not saying "meow" like you do when we read books, but instead you are trying to make the exact sound the cat is making, just as you do with the crows when we see them. you imitate and you say, "kitty cat".
  
• your favorite song is old macdonald. we have it on cd, by ella fitzgerald. you want to hear it every time we get in the car, often more than once. at night, you ask me to sing it to you as a lullaby. i remember when you were very little and i sang to you, that was the first song i could tell you really liked.
  

balloon

dear bunky,

this morning we went shopping at trader joe's, first thing. one of the employees gave a balloon to the little girl next to us, but not to you--so i went to the customer service desk after we checked out and asked for yours.

"what color?"

"yellow"

i had to tell you to look--you didn't know to watch the man inflate it for you. when you saw the balloon expanding with helium, your eyes and mouth opened wide. a full body smile. you accepted your first helium balloon with joyous awe, as if you could not believe you were receiving something so wonderful.

after seeing many pictures of balloons in books, seeing them at the supermarket, at Walgreen's, after pointing them out to me always, here was a balloon for you, at last.

all day you have played with your balloon. running around the house yelling "a-loo! a-loo!", balloon in tow, pulling the balloon down toward you, letting it go, batting it with your hand, teasing the cat with it, panicking when it drifted out of sight...

when i brought daddy home from the hospital in the afternoon (he'd been there for 4 days recovering from a minor operation, his ostomy takedown, which was a cakewalk for him after everything he's been through), you were quick to show him your wonderful treasure.

you had missed him, that daddy of yours, missed him with all your might. you were brave and persevered in his absence, and when he came home, you held out your very best offering. "a-loo!"

recent conversations

last week

me: how about some breakfast?
you: not today.


sunday

me: i like your cute tummy.
you: thank you.

a period of rest

dear monkey puzzle,

i have a picture of you on my cell phone. you are wearing your red baseball hat and green jacket and you look awfully grown up. i look at that picture of you throughout the day when we're apart and i feel connected to you.

daddy finished with his chemo last week. at least, we are pretty sure he is done--when his oncologist comes back from vacation we'll know for sure. daddy has another ct scan scheduled for monday, so next week will tell us a lot about what we might expect over the next few months: more treatment or a period of rest? based on daddy's last scan, we are both expecting another clean scan and a few months off, a period of semi-normalcy. you will be happy when daddy feels well enough every morning to get out of bed early and play with you while i brush my teeth and get dressed for work.

you continue to learn many new words each day. i was keeping a list until it became too difficult to keep up. at last count you had over 75 words. by now you have well over 100, i would guess.

you have also started combining words. you did this once a couple of months ago when i left you at daycare. "bye mommy" you said, and surprised your teachers. but you hadn't done it again until recently, when one morning when daddy did not get up to see you you said, "daddy tired." then you saw the cat sleeping and you said "kitty tired". you've had a number of other combinations since then, with "yellow turtle" being my favorite. you are also repeating multisyllabic words and multi word phrases like crazy. and you seem to understand just about everything i say.

you've also started to have some tantrums, and they're really no fun at all. you're usually so much fun and so easy to be around (active and exhausting, yes, but not difficult) that it's a shock when we're suddenly on opposite sides. most of the tantrums seem to happen when you are tired and you want to do something for yourself that i can't let you do (play with the latch on the safety gate on the stairs, for example). as you seek more independence, we will probably see more of these unwelcome flare-ups. one thing about you is that you are dramatic and expressive, and have been since the day you took your first breath.

i had hoped with these letters to write more often and to paint a clearer picture of your early life. but as daddy gets better, i am getting more and more burned out and i don't have the energy to think very well anymore. i use up my mental energy at work, and at home i do my long list of chores at night and finally collapse into bed.

i do give you lot of love when we're together. and you are very attached to me, so i must be doing a few things right. if i am unable to tell you your story in the detail i had intended, i hope you will understand.

i lu lu

dear monkey,

it's been a long time...

you have become very confident on your feet, and you are taking on new challenges such as climbing the stairs and climbing onto and off of chairs. you have happy to go up and down the front porch steps over and over again. working on mastery. now you are interested in the big staircase, and you also want to open and close and lock the safety gate at the bottom of the stairs all by yourself.

we are having some struggles with these wants of yours. your fascination with the safety gate is dangerous, but when i try to divert your attention and scoop you up the stairs you squirm and howl over the injustice of it. i know how you see it. you are growing up and you can do lots of the same things that we can. you have been watching us and you know how things work. now you want to try it for yourself. you are ready to get going. but you don't have the balance yet, the coordination, the judgment to know when you are headed for trouble. so now we are sometimes adversaries. very often, actually, and although it is typical and expected, it still makes me sad.

that said, have you ever loved me more? you want me all the time. you do not go as easily to your daycare teachers anymore. instead you keep coming back to me, knowing that any minute i will say goodbye and disappear out the door. when daddy holds you, you often reach out for me to take you instead.

you are a talker. i mean, a serious talker. here are some of the words you can say:

mama
dada
kitty cat
banana
apple
ball
yellow
flower
book
bird
shoes
jacket
blanket
stairs
star
moon
blue
poo poo
purple
yum
cracker
cheese
pizza
water
bottle
bubble
popper
bear
tiger
elephant
outside
backyard
hi
moo
baa
neigh
baby
quack
gobble
night night
bye
name
rock
light
yogurt
eye
elmo
door
turtle

you can also say the cats' names and the names of some of your classmates at school. and i'm pretty sure you also say "i love you," but it comes out more like "i lu lu" and sometimes the context makes it hard to tell.

last month i had a parent conference at your school. the director told me that you are doing well across the board, but that you are exceptional in your social skills--good at staying out of struggles and disagreements with your peers, and very willing to share with others. she said that your teachers just smile when they hear your name, because you are so good natured. she also said that you are very compassionate in the way you relate to the other children. she said she has never seen anyone your age act so compassionately in all her years of working with children, and that it brings tears to her eyes.

you bring a smile to my face too, monkey moo. i lu lu.